Simplicity and minimalism are ideas that I've been reading a
lot about for almost a decade now. I've
always found these ideas attractive but
never been spurred into action by what I read. If you look up simplicity, you will
find people talking about how they simplified their schedule or their diet. If
you look up minimalism, you will find people talking about getting rid of possessions
and living with less. I found myself reading about these topics even more the
last few years. I think I was looking for a way to survive.
Everyone struggles with managing their time, their health
and their work-life balance. Everyone struggles with occasionally feeling
overwhelmed. I struggle with these things too. Only, there are a few
differences. I struggle with getting enough hours of sleep at night because my
daughter requires around-the-clock care. I struggle with giving my son the time
and attention he needs because his sister takes up so much. I struggle with
feeling overwhelmed because on top of work, family and household obligations, I
also have to juggle multiple doctor's and therapy appointments, insurance phone
calls, on-going training with my daughter's team at school, administering and
managing medications and daily care.
I get overwhelmed EASILY. And all the time. Something had to
give. And something would give.
It all started with the toys in the garage. Our beautiful
daughter, Morgan, was not yet 2 years old. Every time I took out the trash, I
would pass by all of Kyle's old push toys and mobility-type toys I stored there.
I held onto these toys when Kyle, our oldest, grew out of them thinking that I was
saving them for our next little one. There was a pull up toy and a big Mickey
Mouse car that Kyle rode all the time and many other toys Kyle used once he had
started walking. He started walking when he turned 1 and has been keeping me on
my toes ever since. Once Morgan was born, I held onto the hope that she would
eventually use these things, despite the rare chromosome disorder, Dup15q
Syndrome, that she was born with and all the medical problems that went along
with it.
When I was pregnant with Morgan, I looked forward to seeing
her play with these toys. And when Morgan was just a few days away from her 2nd
birthday, I was reminded of how different things had turned out EVERY TIME I passed
them to take out the trash.
Morgan's 2nd birthday came and went. We celebrated together
with family and friends. I felt grateful for getting this far with all the
challenges we faced with keeping her healthy and I felt a sense of peace as the
gradual acceptance of her limitations sank in.
Not long after her birthday, I was taking the trash out and
instead of just passing by the old toys, I just stopped. I just stopped. I
stood there, holding the garbage bag, staring at the Mickey Mouse car. The car
she would never be able to ride.
She is 2 now. She
can't use these toys. She can't sit up yet. Even when she gets strong enough to
use these toys, she will simply be too big for them. Will she get strong enough
to use them? Yes, of course she will, don't ever think otherwise. She won't
ever be able to enjoy these toys like Kyle did. She is simply on a different
path. I really should let some other kid get the chance to enjoy these toys.
After standing there for what seemed like a long time, I
finally continued on to finish the task at hand. by the time I got back in the
house, my mind was made up and I had a plan.
The following weekend, I arranged for Danny to keep an eye
on Kyle and Morgan. I went into the garage and began loading the car. The
Mickey Mouse car was loaded first, then the small scooter, followed by the push
truck, the pull up toy and many others. I took all of it to a gently-used
second-hand store called Kid To Kid and sold whatever they were willing buy. Then
I donated all the rest. It took me less than an hour to get rid of it all, and
I cried all the way home.
The drive home was very emotional. I felt relieved. I felt
lighter. Like a huge weight fell from my shoulders. I also felt sad. By getting
rid of those old toys, I was admitting to myself that Morgan's journey was
completely different than anything or anyone could have prepared us for. I grieved
for all the things that were hard for Morgan to do, and all the struggles she
was going to face. But I also felt lighter, relieved...
Why had I held on to
those toys, and ideas associated with them, for so long?
Soon after, I began examining other things in our garage.
What was I hanging onto for a future that may never be realized? What was
sitting there, waiting for a someday that may never come? Did I really need
this thing, or that thing, or the thing I used once but never again?
I read a book, called
TheLife Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. This book is more about organizing your entire house but I found
it to be even more than that. I've liked the idea about minimalism for a long
time but never had the tools to incorporate it into my life. This book gave me
those tools.
In the beginning of the book, the author has you sit down
and write or draw what you want your life to look like. I sat down to do this
exercise, and the overall theme I came up with was to simplify. I knew there
were things I could not change. But what could I change? I wanted to simplify
everything. Starting with my belongings. If it didn't add something to my daily
life or somehow make my life easier, I didn't want it. I wrote down where all
my time and energy were going, and what I actually wanted to do with the
precious little time I had to myself. I got a real clear idea of what my life
looked like at that moment and what I would like it to be. Simpler.
Fast forward six months and I had gone through and made a
decision on EVERY SINGLE item in our home. With the exception of Danny's and
some of Kyle's things of course, I respect their space and decisions on what's
important to them. I got rid of so much excess and I didn't even think I had
that much to begin with. And every time I did, I felt a little lighter, a
little less overwhelmed. My kitchen is simpler, my closet and drawers, Morgan's
belongings and medical supplies. My mind is more clear and I can better manage
when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I feel lighter and more hopeful. And cleaning is
so much easier. I've done more research on minimalism and incorporated a lot of
the ideas when it comes to new belongings and what we bring into our home. And down the road, when the time came to move, it was a lot easier.
I didn't stop there. I simplified everything. I began
editing my commitments and letting go of the things that just aren't as
important as I once thought they were. These new concepts even bled into all my
relationships...for the better.
And it all started
with Kyle's old toys in the garage.
Making these changes and embracing the ideas of simplicity
and minimalism has helped me cope with all the things I can't control. Like
when Morgan needs to be rushed to the Emergency Room yet again.
It's never easy. I worry about so many things. I worry about how she is doing in school. How she is around the other kids and how the other kids are around her. I worry about how family is around her, how she is around family. I worry about the what ifs. Even though I know I shouldn't, they lurk in the back of my mind waiting for a chance to come forward. What if I outlive her? What if she outlives me? And how is it I can have two contradictory worries at the same time? And so many more.
