Being Kyle's Mom is like day, and being Morgan's Mom
is like night. The two are so different and the balance between caring for them
both can be a difficult tight-rope to walk. Or so I'm learning. I'm only a year
into this, with Morgan turning one, but I can already tell that fulfilling her
needs as well as Kyle's is going to be an intense job. Morgan's care is
challenging to manage, with the many facets that I have to keep track of. Her
doctor's appointments and therapy. Her daily medications and monitoring. Kyle
has his needs too. They are more typical and for the most part, not nearly as
intense, but he still has needs.
I strive to give them both everything they need. Being able to give everything they both need in a Mom is one of my greatest hopes and challenges. I don't kid
myself though, I know all too well that I will mess up. Hopefully I won't mess
up very often.
Being a parent is challenging. It tests us like
nothing else can. It stretches and pushes us, wearing us out to the point of
exhaustion. But it's also the most rewarding experience I've ever had.
Being the parent of a child with special needs is
also challenging. The same emotions and experiences are involved, but
multiplied. Your heart breaks, soars, and breaks with equal regularity. Tears
are always just under the surface, ready to spring up at the slightest
provocation. Joy is always there too, just under the surface, coming up any
time Morgan does something "typical." Not one thing is taken for
granted. The smiles, laughs, sounds, movements, can make the whole world shine.
And feeling discouraged. That is a feeling I have to frequently stomp down. I remind myself that it's a miracle this
beautiful girl is here. And I remember to be grateful and to be patient.
My Mom and I attended a Mother's Day Night Event
last Friday, hosted by the Utah Parent Center. It was called Unexpected Journey
by speaker and performer Michael Ballam. He discussed the ability to rejoice
when life takes us to places of challenge and blessings we never dreamed
possible. Michael shared his own experiences as a parent of a child with a
disability through word and music.
As we watched the people around us, I commented to
my Mom that this was a hard club to belong to. A club where each parent is a
member not by choice. By circumstances they cannot control. But as the evening
wore on and I was able to hear Michael's son, Ben, perform Some Enchanted
Evening, I could see the extraordinary beauty that each human being possesses
regardless of medical problems, disability or any other issue they may be
struggling with. I was touched.
Being a Mom is tough, whether you have a child with
special needs or not. But by having Morgan in my life, I'm simply more aware of
the precarious nature of our lives. How incredible and fragile each of us are.
P.S. Mom, thank you for coming with
me the other night. I was happy to have you with me. Happy Mother's Day.
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